It was my every intention to write a few blogs before I left the ship and give you a glimpse of what life is like on the ship when we are winding down, discharging patients and scrubbing and cleaning, saying goodbyes etc. but time ran away from me.

....and now I have no idea where to begin.

I could begin by explaining precious moments spent with my patients with crocheting, 'chatting' and learning Ewe or their local dialect (I failed miserably but gave them a laugh), learning a local game called Oware, having them giggle and laugh when trying to plait my hair and sigh in exasperation as it fell out after their hard work as it was 'Too Yovo', dancing up and down the corridors singing and clapping, watching movies with them and holding their hands and dishing our hugs as they have days where they are down and not looking forward to going home.But those moments are not captured anywhere except to memory which are moments that I enjoyed the most and felt most content and spent most of my free time when not working.

I could try to explain the blessing it was to be asked by Dovi, one of my patients to escort her home and be there when she saw her family again following re constructive facial surgery- pictures would not do it justice. I could try to re-live the huge hugs, kisses, thanks and prayers offered by our patients for the work Mercy Ship done for them through Gods love. I could try and explain the fun and joy we had when down on our hands and knees scrubbing the floor, cupboards, beds and chairs on the wards while listening to African music and having a dance with fellow Togolese workers but I cant....

These are precious moments in my memory with so many more and I cant find words to explain or recapture them so im not going to even try. Thanks to all who read my blog and left comments, sent messages, emails and txts. A special thanks to those who prayed for me during my trip. It was a real encouragement and felt very loved :0) I had the most amazing 6 weeks where I have cried, laughed, felt frustrated, been overwhelmed and felt pure joy and contentment and peace.

Until the next time.
x

Being creative

This has been a fun and very random week on the ward and probably the most creative for me also. Last week I started chatting (take that phrase loosely, it means smiles, nods and charades) with a lady who had facial surgery the previous week and was on our ward  for wound care and until her sutures had to come out. She had a lesson from another crew member in how to chain some stitches in order to crochet and was so keen to learn more. I had a quiet shift one day so I sat beside her bed and 'asked' if she would like to learn more. She nodded and smiled and wiggled herself into a more comfortable position on her bed. We started with chaining and single crochet designs. We made a flat cup coaster shape and once she mastered that i thought we could move on to circles. So for another couple of hours in between dishing out meds and doing some vital signs we continued making a circular shape which ended up being quite large as we were using torn fabric strips with a very large hook...At the end of my shift I left with the promise I would be back tomorrow and we could work on some more designs and perhaps make something out of the random plate sized circular object we had made...

SIGH, I wish i had pictures. I came in the next day where she proudly presented a bag! She has continued making the circle which turned in on itself and she kept adding and adding and then made handles. She couldnt contain her smile as she watched all the nurses drape the bag over their shoulders showing surprise and awe that she had made this bag overnight. Such a sweet lady full of pride which made me smile all day!

We then started on headbands. We were sitting on deck 7 one day when she presented me with very fine brown thread a a needle and pointed to a lady nearby who was wearing a hat. I giggled and said to a translator to explain the last time I attempted to make a hat it did not turn out well but I was happy to show her how to make a headband. So at 14.30 that afternoon we started on the headband. It was a joy to see her learning and taking in all the advice I gave her (not that I know much about crocheting, all my knowledge comes from Nikki Smalley and my mam). We continued until about 22.00 that night grabbing moments inbetween dinner, meds, vital signs and some wound care. I made a little flower, finished it off with a button and ta-da!

It makes me smile.

As I sit here in the dining room of the worlds largest hospital ship listening to laughter, people chatting and watch sleepy people head to bed after their fun weekends I am curiously content and wonder when did it become normal to live on a ship in Africa and socialize with people from all over the world? It makes me smile.

It makes me smile because if you asked me when I was a little girl where did I want to go when I grew up it was always Africa. I have no idea why but, I always said Africa.  I can still remember my long suffering parents allowing me to take on another random passion in my life as they bought me a large map of Africa which I proudly pinned up on my wall and then proceeded to print out reems of facts and figures from the computer about Africa and stick stickers on the parts of Africa I wanted to visit. My dad wasn't overly impressed as it meant he had to go out and buy a new reem of paper the next day and i'm sure some ink also. (It was obviously worth it dad ;0) ) I never really thought I would be a nurse and I even worried slightly when I started university in England that I was making a mistake as I honestly couldn't see myself being a nurse or if I did become a nurse I would only do it for a few years until I found something I truly love

.... It makes me smile to see how my life has panned out. I got my first taste of aid work when I went on a trip to Haiti in my second year of nursing and suddenly felt at home. I finally felt 'yes this is why i am doing nursing and I love it!!'. I felt at home and I couldn't and cant explain why. I have always wondered since then if it was a one time thing and surely there are more suited people out there to work abroad then me but on a spur of the moment one day I applied to Mercy ships and found myself in Sierra Leone and now in Togo....more countries than I thought I would see or get to work in. Life hasn't taken the complete direction I thought it would but I am content knowing that whatever path I choose, as long as I am serving God and honoring Him in my decisions then I can happily live on a ship in Africa for 6 weeks of my year. It has also been amazing that I was placed on the Gynaecology ward on the ship which has introduced me and given me a keen interest in VVF. I don't know if it means that perhaps in the future I will find myself in Africa again working with VVF ladies or if I will go back to work in England with the NHS but wherever I go it is my aim to do it with joy and give 110% to my daily life.

Joy

My last post was one side of what I see and experience everyday. It didn't reflect the joy and love I feel and receive on a daily basis as being one of the nurses on the VVF ward. The women who have had successful surgeries are the joy that radiates out and around the ward. They are the women who have light shining from their eyes and smiles as wide as their faces when you say Ca Va? The beaming smile and eyes raised towards the roof with their hands clasped in praise and thanks to their God is enough of an answer to that question. In saying that there is one lady in particular who although has experienced complication after complication and is still wet is the one who melts every ones heart with her beautiful smile and cheeky ways. She cannot speak very good French or Ewe but has managed to pick up a few words in the weeks she has been here and also has learned a few choice English words which always follows with her mischievous giggle and a huge smile as she gets a reaction of joy from the nurses. 

As a sign of respect and love for these women who have come with such traumatic stories we celebrate them in a dress ceremony. We dress them each in a beautiful dress in the traditional manner with headdresses and jewellery and basically celebrate how great and wonderful they are. The new dress is a sign of a new beginning and also makes them feel very beautiful :) We give them a chance to speak and say a few words if they choose which always begins with a shout of HALLELUJAH and a response of AMEN from the crowd repeated a good few times getting louder each time along with many many songs and a lot of clapping cheering and laughter!!We present them with symbols of hope and the beginning of a new life so they recognise how precious and wonderful they are, trying to undo years of abuse and anguish. First a bar of soap, representing a new and clean life with no need to feel dirty anymore due to their illness, cream for their beautiful bodies, a mirror so they can look at themselves and see a beautiful women with her dignity intact and a Bible so they can grow to know their Saviour more. It is an honor to be part of these women's lives and celebrating them in this way couldn't be more appropriate. An African dance party praising God for their lives and  helping them to recognise that even if their bodies are not perfect on this earth that someday in heaven as daughters of God they will have no more tears, pain or suffering at the hands of those around them. Since I arrived 3 weeks ago I looked after 5 ladies in particular almost every shift so needless to say I became quite close to them and felt such a sense of pride, love and joy when I saw them dancing on the ward in their beautiful dresses as all the nurses, doctors and crew on the ship joining in. 

The final picture is the kind of reception we receive almost every time us nurses come to the ward especially if we have been off work for a few days. Then its exclamations of joy, laughter and oooo's and awww's as hugs and kisses are handed out from each lady. I would like to someday say that if I am ever faced with such sad and devastating circumstances as many of these women are, I will be able to demonstrate and give as much love as these women have.

Their joy is humbling. 

Its not always fun.

Today is one of the toughest shifts Ive had so far this time and Ive only been here 10 days. I have been assigned for the past week the same 4 ladies (and others) which has been so wonderful. I have managed to slowly build a relationship with each one with simple things like hanging a curtain around one lady's bed who likes to sleep early, two more loved being tucked in when they lay down and another enjoys holding someones hand and having her arm stroked as she rests in her bed. I absolutely love being able to do this for them and show love as I cannot speak their language which sometime frustrates me. If the shift is quiet then we can sing songs together, try to talk by doing charades (I'm not good) and paint toenails, make friendship bracelets or play X&O's on a scrap piece of paper.

These ladies each have a heart breaking story of their own and came to the ship with such high hopes that their suffering would finally end. The hope that the big white ship brings is held on to very tight even when we have not been successful with surgery....'There must be something more you can do?' This is the question asked of me today by my patient who I had to tell that it was time to go home.

She is still wet.

As the tears flowed we had to tell her through two translators that we were so so sorry but there is nothing more we can do and if there was we would do it for her in an instant...... 'but I am still wet'..... Lalle  has been leaking for such a long time and she came with hope that the big white ship would be able to change her life however, due to her bladder size and other issues her surgery did not make her dry. She cried. We asked her to open up to us and explain what was concerning her most and she cried as she told me that in her village she is chased by the villagers and scorned for her condition as urine leaks down her legs while doing her daily chores. She struggles to find food to eat or buy and when she draws water at the only well in the village they jeer and torment her...... my heart breaks.

Pray that she is accepted back into her community and that her neighbours will recognise the hurt and pain she feels. Pray that she remembers how loved she is and that although in this present world she may not have a dry body, God will restore her in the next and give her a beautiful and dry body with no more tears or shame.

Today in the UK my beautiful God-daughter is being dedicated to God and is having a celebration of her life with people who love her.
I am sad not to be there. I will praise God for your life today Mia and everyday as you grow up. You are a precious gift and I look forward to watching you grow up into a beautiful person.

A verse for you- Proverbs 3:5-6 : Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

This year I have the privilege of working in Togo on Mercy Ships for 6 weeks. I have been placed in Gynae which is amazing as most of you know that’s where I love to work. The women that we are treating are women who have the need for VVF surgery otherwise known as Vesicovaginal Fistula. Basically these women had a neglected and obstructed birth and never healed from the damage caused. Most of the ladies here have struggled until the baby died and during this agonizing process, loss of circulation caused tissue to die, leaving large gaps between the birth canal and bladder or rectum, causing incontinence. Most women suffering with obstetric fistula are ostracized by their families and communities as they smell and are constantly wet, leaving them to live as outcasts. Not only do they have to come to terms with losing a child, they have to suffer loss of their families and their dignity.

On Wednesday morning I attended a ceremony on the ward where 8 women following a successful surgery are dressed in a new gown with a beautiful headdress and we celebrated their new found dignity and praised God for the outcome of their surgery.
I cried. I couldn’t help the tears from flowing as a listened to these women telling their stories of how they lost their children and then lost their families with one lady being forced to live in the bush and others being taken in by neighbors who took pity. Some lived with this 'sickness' for 20+ years, others for 2 but this did not make them complain. I think if that had been my story...losing a child and then my family...I would find a lot to complain about. Instead these women started their stories with a shout of HALLALUJAH and continued to sing and hug those around them. I wish you could be there to see and feel the atmosphere. It was very special.

Please pray for continued success for surgeries and that these ladies stay ‘dry’and for the ones where it has not been possible to make them 'dry' that they will be accepted home into their communities. The surgeries are sometimes not successful which is heartbreaking for us and them.